Natalie’s Story: Hanging Onto Hope

Me and my husband fell pregnant very early into our relationship, 3 months to be exact. Twelve years later we have a wonderful son but during that time, we have suffered a total of 12 unimaginable losses.

I have suffered 11 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy which resulted me in losing my right tube.  Each pregnancy I lost was between 9 and 11 weeks. I can remember the pain so well, a pain you don’t want to go through again. The moment you hold the baby in a tissue, staring at it in awe, asking yourself why. Taking the baby and folding it neatly into a box to take it to hospital. It mentally, physically and emotionally messes with your mind.

One of the worst times experience a miscarriage was when I went to pick my son up from primary school, I felt something between my legs, looked down and my jeans where covered with blood, luckily one of the teaching staff knew of my history and took me into classroom until my husband came and got me.

It’s been 4 years since my last loss, I have good days and bad, I get tired of people saying ‘ it will happen when it happens.’

Even through all the losses and heartbreak, I’m still hanging onto hope that I can give my son a sibling. No one can prepare you for miscarriage, what the process is, or even how you may feel months later,

To tell you the truth, if I didn’t have my son, I don’t think I would be here today.

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